throwingstuff | And just one mistake Is all it will take is all it will take....

This was not what Harrison had planned. Then again, he'd not realized he was up against an actual supernatural creature until it was too late. He'd thought he'd created a monster with the particle accelerator, but he'd just made an existing monster stronger. Then again, if someone tried to tell him vampires weren't only real, but right in his own back yard before it all happened, he would have mocked them. Mercilessly. The very concept of the undead defied science itself. It just wasn't possible.

Then he discovered just how possible it all was.

He'd made a deal with Zoom to get Jesse back. Trading blood for even the chance at her freedom. He didn't care if he was hurting the people he'd been trying to protect. She took priority above all else. But it was never enough. Not for Zoom. But in the end, it came down to a simple choice: His life for Jesse's. He'd assumed Zoom just intended to kill him. Drain him until there was nothing left. He didn't even hesitate. Anything for Jesse, even if he didn't get to see her again. At least she'd be safe.

But he'd been wrong. He woke up after it was over. Different. Changed. And still, Zoom wouldn't release Jesse. There was one last thing. Always one last thing. It never ended with Zoom. But now, it was the truest end. Bring Barry to Zoom to be turned as well. A command he found incredibly difficult to ignore. It sickened him, but still that drive remained: anything for his Jesse.

Time rolled on, and the team continued like normal. Harrison refused to say why he was more upset than normal. Refused to entertain any suspicions that he was different. No, he wasn't just going out at night, that was just coincidence. They needed to work faster. Find a way to render Zoom not only weaker, but turn him human. Killing him wasn't an option. No, he wasn't stronger, that was just a really weak mug. Stop asking so many questions, Ramon, and get back to work.

With each passing hour, he struggled with one decision. Did he tell Barry the truth, or just take him to Zoom?

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"I'm not--" He started, but halted when she kept speaking. Let her interruption hide another fumbling of words. The smell of her blood in the air was making it hard to think, the hunger slowly filling his head with static that drowned out everything. He needed to get out, fast. But trying to leave meant getting closer to her. Closer was dangerous.

"I'm not afraid," he warned. He turned his head, but didn't quiet look at her. He couldn't. Then she'd see what his eyes were really like. "But you're right in one thing. I would do anything to protect you. But you don't know the...extent I'd be willing to go to. Just to keep you. Safe." He turned his head away again, eyes squeezed shut. "Jesse. Please. It can be anyone else, anything else. Just not from you." She could never understand just what a parent was willing to do, willing to sacrifice, to keep their child safe. And it was better she didn't know.

“Yes I do!” Jesse’s barely aware of the fact that she’s crying now, tears trickling silently down her cheeks. “How can I not? You sacrificed yourself for me, Dad!” She takes a step forward before she forces herself to stop, finding it hard to breathe through her desperation. “And I know how much it would destroy you to lose control and hurt someone else, or kill them. I’m the logical choice. I’m the one person you won’t lose control with. That you won’t hurt. That you can’t. You would never hurt me. Let alone kill me. So I’m the only one who makes sense.”

At least until she finishes working on the blood substitute that she’s been working on in secret. Then he won’t have to worry ever again. And she’s close. SO CLOSE to being finished. “It wouldn’t be for very long. I promise.”

The moment Jesse started to move, Harrison twisted around, one hand held out, almost defensively, as if ready to halt an advance. But she'd already stopped. And yet she kept pushing. He kept his arm up, fingers curling slowly, lips pressed together. Then his fingers relaxed, extended, curled as if he wanted to just step closer and take her by the shoulders, but he didn't dare get closer. He was trying to keep his eyes closed, but each drop that splattered on the floor called to him, gently whispering he should open his eyes and look. He should get closer.

"Jesse." No more anger, no more dangerous tones. Just quiet resignation. Slowly, he let his arm fall. "It wouldn't be killing you. It would be putting you firmly outside Zoom's reach. You'd have everything you'd need to defend yourself if he came back for you." He was started to speak faster, a slight frantic edge entering his voice as he tried to get it all out before he lost his grip on his hunger. "The fact that I have this thing, this ability I could give you in a heartbeat, to ensure you'd be safe, but doing so would take away your entire future...it's kept me up all night--all day. If I--" he just waved his hand at the blood, rather than saying the word, "--from you, I won't stop. Because the only thing I'd hold onto was that if I did that you'd be safe!"

“I don’t believe that. You won’t hurt me just to keep me safe, Dad. Because you won’t hurt me.” No matter what he says, she will always believe that. That’s one thing that will never change. “I think you might hold onto my being safe, you always want me to be safe, but your not wanting to hurt me would stop you before you turned me.” It’s what Zoom wants. He wants her dad to hurt her, to turn her. He has to. It’s the only reason why he gave up so easily. He wants her dad to have to live with what he's done to her. Zoom wants her dad to be like him. “You would never give Zoom the satisfaction. You’re stronger than him.”

There are still tears spilling down her cheeks, and she wants nothing more than to go to him, to hug him. But she stays where she is. “You protect me, Dad. You always protect me.” He gave himself to Zoom to protect her. Sacrificed himself, all to try and keep her safe. “Let me help you. Protect you.” She’s the only person in all of Central City that there’s no risk of him losing control and killing her. If he hurt Cisco, or Barry, or Caitlin, or killed them, he would never forgive himself. It would destroy him.

And she can’t let that happen.

“You won’t need real blood for very much longer. I promise. I’m close. But until then. Let me help. Please.”

Jesse would never understand just what a parent was willing to do for their child. Not until she was older. There was a massive difference between simply causing pain on one's child and hurting them in necessary ways so they would learn, knowing they would heal. He'd done it more times than she seemed to recall, but he remembered every time he'd seen that look of hurt and betrayal or even fear in her face. More than anything, he remembered their argument before Zoom took her. He saw this as only further along that same line, and it scared him how much he wanted to do it. He knew she'd never forgive him, but the fact that she would be forever safe from the likes of Zoom overshadowed that.

"The only way you can help," he said, not wanting to think about what she could have meant by "real blood", as he turned away again. "Is to leave." He slowly pressed his hands flat against the desk, the whole thing groaning as he pushed too hard. He needed to put that energy somewhere. Then his voice dropped lower, almost a whisper. "I'm not stronger than this."

“I CANT.” He doesn’t understand. This is because of her. This is her fault. He’s her dad and he sacrificed himself to try and keep her safe and she can’t leave him. No matter what. He’s her dad. And Zoom used his love for her to hurt him. She can’t. She won’t. She takes another step towards him, desperate and pleading and needing him to just listen to her. “Yes you are.”

And just one mistake Is all it will take is all it will take....

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