throwingstuff | And just one mistake Is all it will take is all it will take....

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vampire au

And just one mistake Is all it will take is all it will take....

This was not what Harrison had planned. Then again, he'd not realized he was up against an actual supernatural creature until it was too late. He'd thought he'd created a monster with the particle accelerator, but he'd just made an existing monster stronger. Then again, if someone tried to tell him vampires weren't only real, but right in his own back yard before it all happened, he would have mocked them. Mercilessly. The very concept of the undead defied science itself. It just wasn't possible.

Then he discovered just how possible it all was.

He'd made a deal with Zoom to get Jesse back. Trading blood for even the chance at her freedom. He didn't care if he was hurting the people he'd been trying to protect. She took priority above all else. But it was never enough. Not for Zoom. But in the end, it came down to a simple choice: His life for Jesse's. He'd assumed Zoom just intended to kill him. Drain him until there was nothing left. He didn't even hesitate. Anything for Jesse, even if he didn't get to see her again. At least she'd be safe.

But he'd been wrong. He woke up after it was over. Different. Changed. And still, Zoom wouldn't release Jesse. There was one last thing. Always one last thing. It never ended with Zoom. But now, it was the truest end. Bring Barry to Zoom to be turned as well. A command he found incredibly difficult to ignore. It sickened him, but still that drive remained: anything for his Jesse.

Time rolled on, and the team continued like normal. Harrison refused to say why he was more upset than normal. Refused to entertain any suspicions that he was different. No, he wasn't just going out at night, that was just coincidence. They needed to work faster. Find a way to render Zoom not only weaker, but turn him human. Killing him wasn't an option. No, he wasn't stronger, that was just a really weak mug. Stop asking so many questions, Ramon, and get back to work.

With each passing hour, he struggled with one decision. Did he tell Barry the truth, or just take him to Zoom?

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Jesse knows what happened. Even if she DIDN’T know her dad well enough to recognize it, Zoom had bragged about it. Bragged about what he’d done to her dad. And why her dad had done it. This was her fault. He hadn’t turned her, of course; used his fangs, his claws to hurt her, torture her, yes. But he hadn’t turned her. He wanted her DAD to do that. Wanted to give her dad the chance to hurt her.

Because Zoom knew how much it would hurt him.

But she’s safe now. The nightmares keep her awake at night, but that’s okay. She’s gone without sleep before. She can keep a vampire’s hours. And she knows her dad. Knows what he’s doing. Or what he’s refusing to do. He’s not feeding. She can tell. He’s too pale, more irritable and mussed than usual. So she finds him, closing the door carefully behind her.

“You can’t keep doing this.”

She is her father’s daughter, after all. Getting directly to the heart of the matter.

Harry halted in his work the moment the door closed. He was tinkering with something that had been meant to slow Zoom down, but had completely failed. But the circuitry suddenly didn't matter the moment he picked up on the fact that Jesse was tense. No, more than tense. Anxious. It hung in the air to the point that he could almost taste it. Damn these new senses.

The moment Jesse spoke, he lifted his head. He didn't need to ask WHAT she meant. He already knew. Why did Zoom have to tell her? To hurt him even more, of course. He would have kept it all a secret from her. The what and the why. All to keep her safe. But that had been stolen from him. And of course the way Zoom told it robbed his sacrifice of so much by making it sound as though he'd done something monumentally stupid for his daughter.

Carefully, he set his tool down. Carefully because his hand felt unsteady. He didn't know if it would start shaking or if he'd put it through the table. Both seemed likely these days. He'd thought feeding on animal blood would be fine, it was all the same wasn't it? But animals weren't exactly easy to come by in a city, and it wasn't exactly something that could be easily bought. But he wound't even take from a blood bank. There were many lines he was willing to cross, but now that Jesse was safe, he had less reason to do so. And that was one he refused to go near.

"If we don't find a way to stop Zoom, he's going to keep coming," he said as if she could possibly mean working his crazy hours. Because the last thing he wanted to talk about was what she was obviously referring to.

She’s not going to let Zoom hurt her dad again. She won’t. He’s hurt him enough. She knows exactly why her dad made the choice he did. He was protecting her. Saving her. And yes, she hates that he did it, hates that he made that choice because of her. Because Zoom took her. But she loves him. She will always love him. No matter what. And it’s her turn to help him. To save him.

And she’s not afraid of him.

He’s starving himself. She’s been worried about him since Zoom had her, since the vampire had told her what he’d done. And he’s starving himself. She moves closer to him, and when she speaks her voice is gentle. Determined, but gentle. “We will. But we can’t... you can’t if you don’t feed, Dad. You need to take care of yourself. Let me help you.”

He doesn’t really have a choice. She’s going to help him. He’s done so much for her. Protected her. Loved her. It’s her turn, now.

There was always this point when he knew people were too close. One moment he was fine, and could ignore the soft sound of their pulse. Across a room was fine, he could still hear it, but it was muddled enough he could block it out. But there was always a point when he just couldn't anymore, like a switch being flipped and suddenly he couldn't ignore it. When their pulse went from a subtle background sound to being so loud he could barely hear them speak. That in itself wouldn't have been a problem if that sound did not have the effect of the smell of freshly cooked food on a man three days without.

His stomach twisted and lurched. His gums itched. He was fairly sure if he were still capable, his palms would sweat. For a fleeting moment, all he could think of was grabbing his daughter by the shoulders and---he shoved that down before he could even fully process the feeling. NEVER. That's why Zoom let her go so easily. Because of this. He knew this would happen.

Instead, he gripped the edge of the work table, taking a slow breath without looking at her. "Jesse." His tone low and firm. "You know I would never do anything to hurt you, and I would do anything to keep you safe." He closed his eyes, trying to focus on any sound that wasn't her. "Which is why I need you to stop this, right now, and leave."

There was something almost feral in that last word, as his entire body seemed to tense. Gripping the table so hard it would have bowed if it were a weaker material. He pressed his lips together, hard, trying to will the hunger away. Not her. Anyone but her.

She can pinpoint the exact moment, watching the way his whole body practically vibrates with tension, the way he grips the table so hard she’s wondering at how it’s not breaking under his hands. And it guts her. It absolutely guts her. This is why Zoom let her go. This is why he bragged, and why he turned her dad in the first place. To try and turn him into the same sort of monster that Zoom himself was.

But that’s not possible. She’s not afraid. Not of him. Never of him.

“I know, Dad. I know.” Tears are burning in her eyes, trickling silently down her cheeks. She can’t breathe for her worry for him. “I can’t.” Her words are desperate. “This is MY FAULT. You made this choice to protect me. The way you’ve always protected me. And I can’t let you do this alone. You’re my Dad.” She’s not going to leave. She’s not going to let him just starve himself. She loves him too much. And she's just as stubborn as he is. “Let me help you. PLEASE.” She takes a breath, hoping that he’ll just listen to her, listen and agree instead of arguing and refusing. “Feed. From me.”

He wanted to cut her off, to stop her tirade. In his gut, he just knew where this was going, but he didn't want to face it. He got out half-formed syllables, all with his back to her, all with his head turned away. Because the effort required to speak over her stole from the effort needed to hold himself in place. Did she have any idea how much it took to not do as she was about to ask? How often he'd considered just turning her to keep her safe? Once he did that, no one could hurt her ever again. She'd be safe from Zoom, safe from anything monstrous in this world. But it meant HE would have to hurt her first.

But when she finally said it, he suddenly whipped around. In a blink, he was on his feet, gripping her shoulders so hard his fingers nearly bruised her skin. Eyes wide and wild, so unnaturally pale and bright they seemed almost to glow in the dim lab. That that might have had something to do with the blood slowly darkening the whites of his eyes.

"NO!" he insisted, his voice a low, gruff whisper. "Never. Do you understand me, Jesse? I'll do it. From anyone else. But never from you. It can never be you!"

He’s suddenly there on his feet and holding fast to her shoulders and even with the blood slowly darkening the whites of her dad’s eyes, the tightness of his grasp, she’s not afraid. Startled, a little, because it’s one thing to know that vampires are fast and something else entirely to see it from someone she knows so well. It’s a little surprising, even though she knows better. But she’s not afraid of him.

“Why not?!” Her voice is sharp, desperate as she looks up at him with wide, determined eyes. She knows why, logically. He’s afraid he’ll hurt her. Thinks that feeding from her WILL hurt her. That he’ll kill her. Afraid to even take the chance. But she knows that he wouldn’t. He’d never hurt her. And she knows how much his hurting someone else, losing control with someone else, Cisco or Caitlin or Joe, anyone he dared to drink from, would kill him. Would tear him apart. The guilt would swallow him whole. She’s the logical one. “I make the most sense! I’m the one person you won’t lose control with. The one person you’re guaranteed not to hurt.” Because he couldn’t. “Trust me, Dad. I trust you.”

"It's not that simple," he said, his voice dangerous and soft. His fingers tensed against her shoulders, not gripping any tighter. He wanted to shove her away, to run from the room. It had been bad enough to hear her pulse. But feeling it beneath his hands was almost too much. Because he did want what she was offering. He wouldn't have to stop himself. He had the power to save her. To ensure Zoom couldn't do anything more to her. But she would never forgive him. She would never be able to live a normal life. Stuck being so young forever. He'd lived his life already. She had everything ahead of her.

He fixes his eyes on hers, wishing he could just make her understand. "If you trust me, then you need to trust I can't. Not you. There's more at risk than just hurting you."

“It is.” Her heart is thudding in her chest as she gazes up at him, barely contained franticness in her worry for him. She doesn’t even know if Barry and the others know about him. Know what Zoom did to him. And she doesn’t want it to come out because he loses control. He’s protective of her, and she’s just as protective of him. Especially now. “It’s exactly that simple. Feed from me.” Why won’t he just listen to her?

“Don’t you think I know that?” He should know she’s smarter than that. She knows exactly what could happen. She knows that it would be incredibly easy for him to turn her if he fed off of her. But she also knows her dad. She knows he wouldn’t. “I know exactly what you could do, Dad. And I trust you. You won’t.” Her life would be in his hands, and she’s pretty sure there’s no safer place for it. He’d sooner kill himself than hurt her.

Which is why she knows he won’t. Hurt her. Turn her.

Which is why she’s the logical choice.

And maybe that’s why she does what she does, a reckless, stupid move, no doubt (and she’s sure her dad will tell her so, at length, afterwards), but she doesn’t care. Her dad is more important. She loves him too much. So she rakes the scalpel she’d palmed from S.T.A.R Lab’s medbay across her wrist; not deep enough for it to be life-threatening, but deep enough for blood to spill down her hand and trickle off her fingertips onto the floor.

“I know you, dad. You would sooner hurt yourself than hurt me. You won’t turn me. Drink. Please.” Her faith in him is unwavering. She believes in him. Even if he doesn’t.

He's too busy trying to put his thoughts into words, stuttering and stumbling, and just uttering gibberish as she keeps talking. He can't seem to find the words to stop her. He can't even put the way he feels into anything that makes sense. It's all impulses and urges that defy logic, defy language. Things as ancient as myth. But between his effort to speak, combined with his focus on not listening to her heart, he didn't catch her movement until it was too late. Until the scalpel broke skin.

The moment he smelled the blood, he was across the room. His hip slammed into his desk, knocking a few things over and scattering others to the floor. He had his hand held to her, as if to fend off an attack, his face turned away. To anyone else, it might look like he was going to be sick, his eyes and lips pressed shut.

"Jesse!" Though his voice was soft, it was commanding. Dangerous. "Stop this." It wasn't often he sound so desperate, so fragile. "You're wrong. I will turn you. I'll do anything to protect you, but if I do that I won't stop. You have to leave. NOW!" He suddenly turned and swiped several more items to the floor. He felt as though he were trying to hold onto a tiger by his fingernails.

Jesse didn’t think she could hate Zoom more than she already does, but she was wrong. She can and she does, with a violence that might scare her if he hadn’t hurt her dad. Her first instinct is to go to him, to reach for him, but she doesn’t. She’s pushing him enough. So she stays where she is, blood still pattering to the floor beside her.

He sounds desperate, fragile, and that terrifies her more than anything. She’s never heard him sound like that. And for a moment she hates that she’s the cause. But she has faith in him. Believes in him even if he can’t believe in himself right now. He needs to feed. And she’s the only one he’s guaranteed to not lose control with. “No I’m NOT.” There’s no hesitation in her voice. “I know you don’t believe that, I know you don’t believe you could stop. I know you’re afraid. But I know you, Dad. You would do anything to protect me. But you would never hurt me. You won’t turn me.”

"I'm not--" He started, but halted when she kept speaking. Let her interruption hide another fumbling of words. The smell of her blood in the air was making it hard to think, the hunger slowly filling his head with static that drowned out everything. He needed to get out, fast. But trying to leave meant getting closer to her. Closer was dangerous.

"I'm not afraid," he warned. He turned his head, but didn't quiet look at her. He couldn't. Then she'd see what his eyes were really like. "But you're right in one thing. I would do anything to protect you. But you don't know the...extent I'd be willing to go to. Just to keep you. Safe." He turned his head away again, eyes squeezed shut. "Jesse. Please. It can be anyone else, anything else. Just not from you." She could never understand just what a parent was willing to do, willing to sacrifice, to keep their child safe. And it was better she didn't know.

“Yes I do!” Jesse’s barely aware of the fact that she’s crying now, tears trickling silently down her cheeks. “How can I not? You sacrificed yourself for me, Dad!” She takes a step forward before she forces herself to stop, finding it hard to breathe through her desperation. “And I know how much it would destroy you to lose control and hurt someone else, or kill them. I’m the logical choice. I’m the one person you won’t lose control with. That you won’t hurt. That you can’t. You would never hurt me. Let alone kill me. So I’m the only one who makes sense.”

At least until she finishes working on the blood substitute that she’s been working on in secret. Then he won’t have to worry ever again. And she’s close. SO CLOSE to being finished. “It wouldn’t be for very long. I promise.”

The moment Jesse started to move, Harrison twisted around, one hand held out, almost defensively, as if ready to halt an advance. But she'd already stopped. And yet she kept pushing. He kept his arm up, fingers curling slowly, lips pressed together. Then his fingers relaxed, extended, curled as if he wanted to just step closer and take her by the shoulders, but he didn't dare get closer. He was trying to keep his eyes closed, but each drop that splattered on the floor called to him, gently whispering he should open his eyes and look. He should get closer.

"Jesse." No more anger, no more dangerous tones. Just quiet resignation. Slowly, he let his arm fall. "It wouldn't be killing you. It would be putting you firmly outside Zoom's reach. You'd have everything you'd need to defend yourself if he came back for you." He was started to speak faster, a slight frantic edge entering his voice as he tried to get it all out before he lost his grip on his hunger. "The fact that I have this thing, this ability I could give you in a heartbeat, to ensure you'd be safe, but doing so would take away your entire future...it's kept me up all night--all day. If I--" he just waved his hand at the blood, rather than saying the word, "--from you, I won't stop. Because the only thing I'd hold onto was that if I did that you'd be safe!"

“I don’t believe that. You won’t hurt me just to keep me safe, Dad. Because you won’t hurt me.” No matter what he says, she will always believe that. That’s one thing that will never change. “I think you might hold onto my being safe, you always want me to be safe, but your not wanting to hurt me would stop you before you turned me.” It’s what Zoom wants. He wants her dad to hurt her, to turn her. He has to. It’s the only reason why he gave up so easily. He wants her dad to have to live with what he's done to her. Zoom wants her dad to be like him. “You would never give Zoom the satisfaction. You’re stronger than him.”

There are still tears spilling down her cheeks, and she wants nothing more than to go to him, to hug him. But she stays where she is. “You protect me, Dad. You always protect me.” He gave himself to Zoom to protect her. Sacrificed himself, all to try and keep her safe. “Let me help you. Protect you.” She’s the only person in all of Central City that there’s no risk of him losing control and killing her. If he hurt Cisco, or Barry, or Caitlin, or killed them, he would never forgive himself. It would destroy him.

And she can’t let that happen.

“You won’t need real blood for very much longer. I promise. I’m close. But until then. Let me help. Please.”

Jesse would never understand just what a parent was willing to do for their child. Not until she was older. There was a massive difference between simply causing pain on one's child and hurting them in necessary ways so they would learn, knowing they would heal. He'd done it more times than she seemed to recall, but he remembered every time he'd seen that look of hurt and betrayal or even fear in her face. More than anything, he remembered their argument before Zoom took her. He saw this as only further along that same line, and it scared him how much he wanted to do it. He knew she'd never forgive him, but the fact that she would be forever safe from the likes of Zoom overshadowed that.

"The only way you can help," he said, not wanting to think about what she could have meant by "real blood", as he turned away again. "Is to leave." He slowly pressed his hands flat against the desk, the whole thing groaning as he pushed too hard. He needed to put that energy somewhere. Then his voice dropped lower, almost a whisper. "I'm not stronger than this."

“I CANT.” He doesn’t understand. This is because of her. This is her fault. He’s her dad and he sacrificed himself to try and keep her safe and she can’t leave him. No matter what. He’s her dad. And Zoom used his love for her to hurt him. She can’t. She won’t. She takes another step towards him, desperate and pleading and needing him to just listen to her. “Yes you are.”

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And just one mistake Is all it will take is all it will take....

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